Dealing with the Dragons of Bitterness and Resentment Within

Dealing with the Dragons of Bitterness and Resentment Within 

 
     My brother is 90 years old, this year. In a lifetime of knowing him he told the story over and over of a time our father would not give him the dollar he needed to repair his shoes. His details made it seem like the offense had happened just days ago. He'd retold the story so many times he had memorized every titbit. One message came through loud and clear. He would never forgive our father for withholding that dollar from him. Like a magnet, this story pulled him back into all his hurt and injustice.. 

Bitterness starts out small. An offense burrows its way into our hearts. We replay it in our minds, creating deep ruts that will be hard to build back up. We retell our hurts to any available listener, including each sordid detail. We enlist support, pushing us further into our resentment. We hear the offending person's name and cringe.

Ephesians 4:31-32 - Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

We decipher the offense as intentional and our offender as full of spite. We look for other reasons, both real or imagined, to dislike our villain. With each new piece of information, we form another layer of bitterness.

We fool ourselves into thinking no one will know, but anger and resentment have a way of seeping into everything. Resentment is like a beach ball we try to submerge in the water. No matter how valiant our efforts, it pops up with all its vitality.

Romans 12:18 says, "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." So how can we do that? How can we prevent bitterness from moving into our hearts? How can we deal with our feelings instead of letting them grow into bitterness?

First understand clearly that God requires forgiveness.

God knew it would not always be possible to live at peace with some people. That's why Romans 12:18 says, "If it is possible …" But God does require that we forgive others (Ephesians 4:32).

This is where the rubber meets the road. Our lack of forgiveness is why we choose to hold onto bitterness, letting it ripen into full grown resentment. While it looks like we are unable to forgive, sometimes we need to face that we are unwilling.

In the parable of the man who was forgiven a great debt (Matthew 18:24-35), we see the forgiven man immediately demands payment from someone who owes him a fraction of what he himself owed. Though he was shown mercy and grace, he was unwilling to extend it even in a small way.

We are to forgive because we are forgiven.

You can discern a person is trapped when their first response is, "You don't understand what they did to me."

We may not understand, but Jesus Christ does. He lived a perfect life, but was beaten, mocked, spit on, and hung on a wooden cross to die a cruel death. Yet, John 3:16 says that he loved the world enough to go through this. Sometimes we mistakenly think he died only for us, but when he died, he died for the world—including whoever offended you. We are told to forgive others just as Christ forgave us. Do they deserve it? No. Do we deserve it? Again, no. But still, he suffered on that cross because of his love for each of us.

When we have an unforgiving spirit, our eyes are not on him; they are fixed on ourselves. Ironically when we forgive others our benefit is that the burden is removed from our shoulders.How others benefit is up to God..

Pray for those you can't forgive.

God already knows what's going on inside of you. He knows your thoughts and he knows how the other person hurt you. We don't have the capability in ourselves to forgive others. But God can empower us to forgive those who have hurt us (Philippians 4:13).

There is much power in prayer..

I have found it is impossible to be unforgiving toward those I am praying for. It's not easy to start praying for them; it cab be one of the hardest things to do. But when we make that person an object of prayer, the door to your heart will open a little wider so that God soften a hardened heart, melting and melt away the resentment, distain, and hatred which festers there..All things that would be antithetical to Gods wishes, his commands and his teachings….

In all four Gospels, Jesus notes the importance of forgiving others to ensure God's forgiveness. ... When he cries out from the cross, he does not say to his attackers, “I forgive you,” or, as he has before, “Your sins are forgiven you.” Instead, he prays that God might forgive them..

Forgiveness seems to become a decision when the internal operating system of one’s soul is transformed. The power of forgiveness, then, flows from God to you, then, from you to others, and, mercifully, to yourself.

The inability or unwillingness to forgive is both spiritually and physically unhealthy.

We need forgiveness to live spiritually balanced, hopeful lives. Where would we be without “Hope” in our lives? Since the pathologies of the soul often migrate to the body (and vice versa) we can even assert that we need forgiveness for our very health. This is not merely “preacher talk.” If you prefer, then scientists have also observed the cost of unforgiveness. Consider only one of the many psychiatric researchers’ reports on the terrible costs of of harbouring hatred, resentment, which comes from an inability to forgive:

“First, unforgiveness or resentment, is often a core component of stress resulting from an interpersonal offense, and stress is associated with decreased mental health. Second, unforgiveness resulting from intrapersonal transgressions or things that YOU may have done may increase levels of guilt, shame, and regret that in turn negatively impact one’s mental health.”Which means that asking God to forgive us as we repent is a huge part of the equation.. Lets not loose sight of ourselves even as we train our focus on others that we need to forgive…

In my Christian life and even in my former work, I have encountered many individuals, over the years, who literally decayed (in mind, in spirit, and in body) because of the inability to forgive. Some died as if consumed by anger, resentment and negativity, without a thread of forgiveness in their minds or hearts. The incredible weight of past offenses to spouses, parents, children, friends, and even church members seemed to take its toll on their entire personhood, over time. Is a sad thing to behold….

Forgiveness is a gracious act of God grounded in the Covenant of Grace, mediated by the Lord Jesus, fully God and fully Man, who lived a perfect life (for our righteousness) and shed His blood (as an atonement) for sinners on the cross, and (by grace) offered to any who would repent, believe and come to Christ through the proclamation of the Word of God.

Heavenly father,

through the obedience of Jesus,

Who offered His Life in the service of all,

help us with Your Kindness.

Make us strong so that we may be able to follow more closely the example of Jesus.

May we put into action the saving Mystery that we celebrate in the our bible study.

May your peace take root in my heart

and bring forth a harvest of love, holiness, and truth.

Protect us with Your Love

and prepare us for eternal happiness.

We ask these things in Jesus name…

Amen