"Let your Moderation Be Know to All Men" - How to live your Christian Life in "Balance "- Sunday, 4-18-21

Lord

On this Sunday morning we celebrate your presence here with us. We feel your hands upon us daily and we enjoy the safety of your love. We ask for your blessing this morning on all who are here and on this humble gathering. We ask that your messages, resound in the ears of those who require it.. thank your for your guidance and wisdom that you bring to us this day and everyday.. We ask Lord for the wise and discerning spirit…

We thank thee for all and ask for all in Jesus’s name…

Amen

Philippians 4:4-8 “Rejoice in the Lord always: and again I say, Rejoice. Let your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand. Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.”

These couple of sentences speak volumes…. But I’d like to focus on the word “moderation”.. Living within the parameters of moderation.. the boundaries of what is right and reasonable….To live our lives in balance as is suggested by Paul in this message.. “Let your moderation be known to all men”…

Life balance seems to be the topic on the minds of many busy or obsessive people. I say that because being obsessive is stressful in and of itself….And the trick here is to balance out your life in a way that reduces stress not create more…

We have discovered that maintaining a healthy life balance is not only essential for happiness and well-being; it can be a tremendous boost to your productivity and relationships or other responsibilities / interests success as well. A well-balanced person has a far greater ability to focus their attention and energy on attaining their goals, taking productive actions and moving forward in a meaningful way.

Notice I said ..”It can boost your productivity” which means with proper balance you can actually accomplish more of what you wish to accomplish… Imagine that !!! Workaholics and highly motivated people love this one !!!

The big question is…What does life balance really mean? What would a balanced life look like to us? And most importantly, how do we go about achieving it in the midst of our crazy lives?

There are steps you can take to change what isn’t working and get back some balance in your life. And once you start seeing results, you’ll be better equipped to maintain that new found equilibrium.

The key is not to try to change everything at once, but to make small adjustments over time to determine what works for you. Eventually you will have a whole new set of positive life habits and you’ll never look back!

Here are some suggestions that may practically help you day to day balancing out your life… Now you won’t see “Prayer” in this little list of things because I want to tackle that all by itself…

OK….

Starting by Turning It Off

Disconnect on at planned days or times. I hear the excuses already, but try it, at least for one day or even a few hours each night.

Put the phone down and turn off the computer. Give your brain a rest. Bonus: Spend the extra time actually interacting with your family and friends! Under the circumstances if you’re doing that one the computer its ok… You get the idea right??? The operative phrase here is “give your brain a rest”……


2. Trim

If your overloaded look at how things in your life are prioritized… Before you tell me that everything is a priority just save it because even on a suicide watch you prioritize your duties….

It’s a given that if your life is overflowing you will never be able to achieve balance and manage it all. It’s just not possible. Everything is not a 10 on a scale from one to 10…..

Set limits and stay with it.. People will respect your time if your first respect yourself or require your own time…

3. Pay Attention to Your Health

We hear this over and over again, but usually only give it lip service. We know what we need to do, but it isn’t a priority until we have a health crisis.

Our health really does affect the quality of our lives on every level.. We are far more productive and happier when we get enough sleep, eat a little healthier and fit in some type of activity. Even if its basketball in your living room with your 10 year old….


4. Minimize Toxins

By that, I don’t mean chemicals (though that might help too.) Minimize the negative influences around you.

Avoid toxic people (complainers, whiners, poor attitudes.) If you can’t completely avoid them, at least minimize contact and tune them out as much as you can. Surround yourself with positive, supportive, can-do people whenever possible.. This is one reason why fellowship is important for all of us….

5. Spend Time Alone

Making time for you is probably the hardest thing to do for the typical overworked , overwhelmed , tired, in pain person, but it is crucial for lowering stress, increasing happiness and encouraging creativity.

Some things to try: meditate, write, sketch, do some yoga, if you can or simply sit quietly for a few minutes each day and do absolutely nothing. Let your mind quietly drift.. Connect with God.. Pray differently for a few minutes like you are talking to an old friend who is never judgemental….

6. Relationships Do Matter

Set aside quality time with your family and friends. It’s true we are limited with our lockdown status but Don’t just sit in front of the television or the computer sucking in You Tube, really connect and pay attention to those you care about. Take the time, make the effort have a conversation with your significant other. Call someone who is struggling and offer some support.. an ear to listen.. a shoulder to cry on… pray with them.. don’t spend your money spend your time.. Play a game with a child. Really get to know the people around you. It will make you feel better also….

7. Treat Yourself

If you can’t get a pedicure scrub down your own feet and cut your nails. Better yet, schedule a time to do that for yourself. It doesn’t need to be costly; a glass of wine, your favourite coffee or tea…All could make a difference… If your confined then get creative… Treating yourself in some way is a way to decompress for a few minutes. Its good for the BP.. good for the mood.. and good for everyone around you.. Give it a try…..

8. Explore the World

Take a walk even if it a few yard out the door… pay attention to what’s going on around you. Take a new route, visit a new town or try being a tourist in your own. Attend a local performance, play amateur photographer or go to the park and watch children play. They really know how to enjoy life!



9. Expand Your Awareness

Take a class, learn to paint or try something new that you’ve always wanted to learn. Read a book that sparks your interest or try listening to uplifting music. Find what interests you.

10-Be transparent. Tell others that you’re trying to focus more on yourself right now and that you can’t help them at this time. They may initially be thrown off, but if they don’t ultimately understand, then you may need to examine that relationship.

11. Remember Fun

Laugh, joke, play, find your sense of humor, subscribe to a daily joke or get a tear-off calendar. Nothing makes the feel better as fast as a good old-fashioned belly laugh.



You can live a lifetime and, at the end of it, know more about other people than you know about yourself …

I ‘d like to go back for a minute and talk about toxins, poisons or infections in our lives.. Think about your life as a container. When the container is full, it’s full… there’s no room for anything else… Do you know that harbouring negativity takes up a lot of space that could be filled with good stuff. Hatred, anxiety, worry, resentments, the guy that dose better than you or does more than you….. Bad interactions fall into this category.. someone who did you wrong… treated you wrong..was disrespectful, embarrassed you in front of others…. Man it feels good to think about what your going to do to them….

Carrying that burden of un-forgiveness doesn’t hurt the person who offended you at all but it sure dose hurt you and that means not only did that person hurt you once but he hurts you every time you think about it… It’s a load that you can carry subconsciously… These things are hard to escape.. But the good thing is that God sees them and he’ll help if we are willing… God may be waiting to send you a gift right now but you don’t have any more room in your container.. It full of a ton of stuff that you need to let go of… You can say Lord I don’t want all of this clutter in my life anymore.. I finally understand what Jesus meant.. I don’t want this anger and resentment any more.. I don’t want this negativity cluttering my life anymore. I ‘m ready to let it go.. I’m ready to be filled by your love..but your peace and joy… Bring the balance into my life.. Thank you Jesus….

Fill your container to the brim with the goodness that God can give you and guess what… when the containers full its full… there is no room for Satan.. No room for his devils… No room for those demons because our container will be filled by the spirit and the essence of Godliness.. We can’t afford to miss gifts from God because there’s not any room.. God’s gifts should never be undeliverable… so we need to get down on our knees and get the junk out of our container and make room for the good stuff that will follow….

Jesus said love your brother…Love your neighbour…Paul said Love was the essence of all things…. So how in the world can any think caretaking can be not so good… If its true how can we reconcile this with loving our neighbour ( who by the way is anyone in need) …

So we know that Jesus wants us to be moderate in all things… right??? But what happens when we feel so compelled to help other that it is beyond our control.. Have we gone over the line? Now before you switch this to another channel hear me out and if one thing, just one contributes to balancing your life it will be a good thing right???

We often hear in the media about the how addiction ravages those who struggle with them and their families. Caretaking, also referred to as compulsive helping, is an addictive behaviour that, while lesser known, is still highly destructive, according to Dr. Robert Lefever, a prominent addiction specialist in the UK.We know that “ Caretaking” in the clinical sense of the word can be more insidious than an addiction to substances such as drugs or alcohol, making it extremely difficult to identify and treat.

So this is food 4 thought and maybe aspects for helping others that had not crossed your mind..But when you are alone considering the overwhelming nature of your caretaking also tick through some of these aspects in your mind and ask yourself do any of these things apply to me…

The Need to be Needed

We define compulsive helping as “the need to be needed.” There’s nothing unusual about the desire to be needed, but like other addictions, caretaking is a behavior taken to an extreme. This is a exaggerated sort of caring that, rather than helping, turns out to be both self-destructive and harmful to others. But wait, isn’t our problem today that people are too selfish and individualistic? Isn’t it good to help others? Helping and caring are positive behaviors –

caretaking is being consumed by the need to “fix” others, to the point where you lose – or never develop – your own identity, and you smother the person you’re trying to help so they have no space to work on their own problems.



An Unhealthy Equilibrium

As other addictions are shaped by society, so is caretaking. We are taught that it is good to be helpful, and that it is selfish to worry about our own needs. If it becomes ingrained early on that our only value is in helping everyone else, we learn that to survive we need to make ourselves “useful” to other people. If no one needs us, we have no value. We therefore form relationships in which another is dependent on us so that we will always be needed. This also makes the caretaker dependent on the individual they caretake (no wonder this dynamic is sometimes also called “codependency”). An unhealthy equilibrium is formed that, if knocked off balance, can have disastrous results. The caretaker will be lost without their “project” and will have to find a new needy individual. The focus of the caretaker will have to try to find someone new to care for them.

Care-Taking to Gain Control

Notice the word “take” in “caretaker.” Caretaking is actually a self-serving behavior. While not intending to, the caretaker is “taking” from the other individual to fulfill their need to be needed. Reasons individuals are drawn to caretaking include the following:



-They are continuing the role they had while in their family of origin.

-They feel powerless in their own lives; trying to fix others provides some semblance of control.

-They feel their own life is out of control and that it’s easier to “solve” the problems of another than deal with their own.



-Others’ problems are a distraction from their own.

-They don’t trust others to live their own lives the way they “should” and think they are the only one capable of helping.

-They are perfectionists and are uncomfortable with mistakes made by themselves and others.

-They have trouble with boundaries and feel they are responsible for everyone else.

-They feel selfish if they focus on themselves.



A Strange Narcissism


There is a certain narcissism involved in caretaking. Caretakers think they are invaluable and responsible for others’ happiness, that others cannot get along without them. I write this as someone who has struggled with my own caretaking tendencies. It never occurred to me that my predilection to say “yes” to others’ requests could actually be a self-serving behavior. It required taking a step back and having a hard look at myself: Am I just trying to be helpful or am I fulfilling my “good guy” role? How helpful can I be without first helping myself?



The Opposite of Helping

Caretakers may find themselves subconsciously manipulating people to be dependent on them.

“We want to feel useful and constructively helpful. These are admirable characteristics. But they can be very destructive when they are applied without thought to the consequences…When people have too much done for them, they fail to develop their own skills.”

Everyone needs room to make their own mistakes and learn from them in order to grow; caretaking stunts that growth. It is, in fact, the opposite of helping.



A Loss of Identity

The time caretakers spend worrying about others robs them of necessary self-care, including time to focus on their own physical and mental health. Their boundaries are so blurred that others are constantly violating them. At its extreme, the caretaker’s whole sense of identity is swept away in others’ lives. They may eventually feel resentful toward others who don’t reciprocate their “help.” Others don’t respect their needs of the caretaker, though, because the caretaker doesn’t respect them.



The End of Caretaking

Caretaking is not so much a problem to solve, as much as it is a behavioral pattern that requires awareness and insight, then action. If you think you struggle with caretaking, ask yourself the following questions:



-Do I find it easier to take care of others than myself?



-Do I feel responsible for others’ happiness?



-Do I feel selfish if I don’t always respond to others’ needs?



-Do I always say “yes” to requests by others?



-Do I find myself stretched thin because of all the things I have agreed to do for others?



If you answered “yes” to most or all of those questions, you probably take the caretaker role. Questions to ask yourself so as to gain insight include:



-What are the payoffs, or benefits, of this role?



-How does it affect you, and your relationships?



-What are the drawbacks of your behavior on yourself and others?



Once you have begun to examine what’s behind compulsive helping, some ways to move forward include:



-Trying out saying “no” to a few requests per week



-Countering thoughts such as, “I have to help them. I’m the only one who can,” with “I’m not responsible; I’m not helping by doing everything for them.”



-Committing to at least 15 minutes to yourself each day. Whether you use time that to take a short walk, meditate, read, rest, explore a new hobby, whatever – just as long as it’s for you.


-When you feel the urge to swoop in and take control, try doing the opposite: step back and just see what happens. See how it feels for you and observe what happens with the other person.



-Use some of the time each day that you would spend worrying about someone else to think about your own interests and dreams.

Lord we know that balance in our lives is a hard thing to achieve that’s why we need your help to do it.. We understand Lord that if we can’t achieve balance than we can never experience the full measure of peace that you have to offer us. Help us to empty our containers Lord and rid us of the toxins that infect our lives. Help us to push the devil out of our containers.. out of our lives and give us peace and joy in its place.. We ask Lord for good health for all of us today so that we may continue doing your work, carrying your light in the ministry that you began 2000 years ago. We thank you Lord for prayers answered, doors being opened and opportunities spread before us.. Guide us every minute of every day so that our walk will always be like Jesus’s… Heal our hearts lord of secret darkness that contaminates our spirit… everyday and in everyway we ask for you to guide us in the perfection of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ…

We ask these things in Jesus’s name…

Amen